2014 was the year I said goodbye to life as a finance lawyer, and hello to being a full time personal trainer. It’s fair to say that a fair few of my legal friends and colleagues thought I was crazy, ditching a pretty good, consistent salary for what seemed to be a future full of seeming uncertainty, not to mention financial pressures and challenges. Many commented on how ‘brave’ I was to do something ‘so dangerous’, often followed by a quick ‘wish I had the guts to pursue my dreams’. Whenever someone said something along these lines, I found myself a bit confused and surprised; by no means did I see myself as doing something ‘dangerous’ in a ‘may cause death’ kind of way, nor did I consider myself to be doing anything particularly courageous.

As I begin 2015, I find myself looking back at the year that was 2014 with a definite sense of ‘hey look what I can do’. Without a doubt it was a year full of challenges, some expected (ie financial), some not (injury, etc.), but I got through the year, still have a roof over my head, food to eat and clothes to wear. On one level I think of having ‘survived’ 2014, but on another, I think of the numerous things I learned over the year and actually think I started laying the groundwork to thrive.

If I were to try to summarise my 2014 lessons:

1) Materialism: Without the disposable income I once had, buying unnecessary stuff wasn’t really an option. Apart from a few splurges, I was by and large a cheapskate. Initially it really bothered me that I couldn’t buy/shop like I used to, but then I remembered how miserable (and stressed out) I was in the job that allowed me to shop like it was a sport! I realised I’d much rather do less shopping while working at something I was passionate about.

2) Nothing is forever: something my Mother instilled in me from a very young age, all too frequently something I have previously forgotten, instead dwelling on just how crap something/a situation is. Ultimately, tough times and situations arise and happen, but they won’t last forever. Things may be bad, but keep on keeping on and you’ll get through it.

3) Fail to plan, plan to fail: I’m sure we’ve all heard this before, but, by and large, subject to point(4) below, I feel this is true. Ok, not always, there is something to be said for spontaneity, but, if a specific outcome is critical (ie how to pay the rent, credit card, etc), make a plan.

4) Be prepared to assess, evaluate and readjust the plan if necessary: if the plan isn’t working (in terms of achieving the desired objective), why would you continue to follow it? The winning isn’t in following a plan, but in following a plan that works.

5) Sometimes not taking a risk is more dangerous than taking a risk: without a doubt, it would have been easier for me to have stayed in Legalland (which I can assure you is not as exciting as Disneyland!). I could have collected my dependable salary doing dependable work in an environment I felt unappreciated, unchallenged and under-utilised; but doing so would have meant the continued erosion of my self-esteem and self-confidence. Having spent the past year working with clients to achieve things in the gym they didn’t think possible has provided me with some of the most rewarding experiences of my professional career, not to mention revitalised my self-esteem and confidence. I’ll take helping someone get their first pull-up or press-up over drafting and negotiating finance documents any-day.

Looking back at the year that was 2014, I’m now convinced it was the year I started living NOT so dangerously.

Two days before Christmas and I’m stressing. Stressing about baking the cookies I haven’t yet baked (the brownies I made yesterday were overlooked and bear a striking resemblance to bricks!), the gifts I haven’t yet wrapped, the flowers not sent, the last minute groceries not yet bought.

With two days to go, you’d think I’ve got plenty of time (sleep? Who needs sleep?!!?), but I’m not sure it is. Why? The standard I’m holding myself to is the one my Mom hit year after year of my growing up. To say Americans ‘know how to do the holidays’ captures part of it, but then imagine Disney was also involved in the production! Every year saw 12 different types of cookies for the ’12 Days of Christmas’, the ‘downstairs tree’ (the fun tree full of ornaments collected and passed down through the family over the years), the ‘upstairs tree’ (the ‘oh isn’t it gorgeous tree’ that no doubt appealed to adults but not to kids on the basis of having all white lights and a definite ordering of very similar ornaments),  trips into ‘the city’ to go shopping and see the ballet (The Nutcracker of course!!), not to mention the lighting of the house and trees (not quite ‘Christmas Vacation’, but not a million miles off either).

To say my childhood Christmas’ were magical is both an understatement and a credit to my Mom. As an adult, I find myself wanting to do as much and ‘measure up’. Then it hit me, much like trying to lift as much as, or complete a WOD as quickly as a Games competitor, I’m judging myself against a standard I’m just not ready to hit. Maybe in time, with more ‘training’ and planning, but not quite yet. For now, I’ll respect my limits and ‘scale accordingly’.

Sometimes life gives me insight into training, sometimes training gives me insight into life.

Wishing each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas!

In the interest of full disclosure and avoiding any accusations of being a hypocrite, I will fully admit to being a bit of a trainer/shoe whore. I love trainers, and pretty much always have. Different types, styles, colours and brands; love’em. As a child I vividly remember telling my Mom ‘when I grow up, I’m going to have at least 100 pairs of trainers’. Suffice it to say, ‘mission accomplished’; sponsored by ME and those who love me! Disclosure made and interests declared, I’ll continue.

With the sales of the past few weeks seeing all sorts of things reduced (sometimes drastically), I found myself looking at new shoes, new training kit, new bags, lifting belts, etc. Yeah, I have all of this stuff, but yet I found myself thinking that a particular pair of trainers were ‘really cool’, not to mention the lifting belt that would be great (and no doubt add kilos to my lifts), the compression gear that would keep me warm and the t-shirt that was ‘awesome’.

Then it hit me, I was getting more concerned about what I would be training IN than my actual training. I’m pretty positive the plain t-shirt will perform just as well as the (arguably) overpriced ‘hype wear’ t-shirt; ditto my gym bag carrying stuff as well as a new heavily branded bag. Don’t get me wrong, I do think there are, and can be differences in kit/equipment, but if you’ve got kit/equipment that works, do you really need more?

Watching the recent World Weightlifting Championships I was struck by the number of lifters wearing one of the less expensive models of lifting shoes produced by a large manufacturer. If lifter A at the World Championships is using shoe X and an average athlete/gym goer is using shoe X, why the huge difference in their lifts? It’s certainly not the shoes!

Despite what I suspect will be a lifelong trainer addiction, my attention will be focused far more on my training as opposed to what I’m training IN!

Kettlebells. There’s just a certain ‘something’ about a good kettlebell. A design simplicity that belies the attributes contained within. A good kettlebell is evenly balanced, robust and resilient. Although the ‘finish’ may chip over time and through use, it is capable of withstanding more than a few knocks and will remain ‘fit for purpose’, whether that purpose requires strength, endurance, mobility and/or conditioning.

Much like a good kettlebell, a person should strive to be balanced, robust and resilient – both in their life and training. Whilst a person will invariably experience various challenges throughout their ‘real’ and training lives, I’m convinced that it is the person that is strong(literally and figuratively), enduring and adaptable that will be best equipped to deal with such challenges.

It’s been a great week. A week full of great achievements; none of which were mine. Months or years ago this would have bothered me; the jealously driven PB monster would have reared it’s ugly head, biting hard and deep.

Now I find myself standing back to watch and appreciate the look of sheer delight as a client achieved their goal, something they had thought impossible only a few months ago, but agreed to ‘try’. They tried, and tried again until they ‘did’. Although their sights had originally been set on racing to achieve their goal, they came to see that it was only through their continued efforts and willingness to keep trying to ‘climb’ that they were able to ‘summit’ and reach their goal. Having achieved their goal, they almost immediately set a new goal, keen to begin the next climb, now knowing they were capable of far more than they had originally thought.

To achieve a PB is great, but to help someone else achieve a PB is far greater (bye-bye jealousy driven PB monster)! Similarly, to have been a part of someone realising that they are capable of far more than they had thought is worth far more than any PB I will ever hit in training.

I have an enemy. An enemy that can be very mean, incredibly cruel, not to mention nasty. No, it’s not someone from the gym/box or the office. That said, I have had to deal with her both at the gym and at the office (when I worked in an office).  For me, my enemy is the voice of doubt.

Although on one level I generally think of myself as someone who is reasonably fit and strong, all too often I find myself thinking ‘you’re too heavy’; ‘the weight is too heavy’; ‘your technique is really shit’; ‘how can you STILL find DUs SO difficult’; ‘if you make this lift it’s going to be some kind of fluke’;’boy you run slow’, ‘your knee will never be ‘right’ again’, etc.

Earlier this week it hit me just how incredibly destructive this internal dialogue of negativity was (and is). I’m not entirely sure where the ‘enemy’ has come from, maybe being critical is part of my personality, maybe it’s something fostered through competition? Similarly, it occurred to me that if a friend or colleague were so incredibly judgemental and harsh with me, I’d either tell them in no uncertain terms what they could do (whether anatomically possible or not!) or simply choose not to spend time or work with them anymore. Why should I treat my mean, nasty ‘enemy’ any differently?

Just as my enemy seems to be self doubt, I have seen over confidence appear to be someone’s undoing. Whether the colleague who doesn’t think it’s necessary to review the transaction documents on the basis of having done ‘tons of deals’ who realises (a little too late) that the deal is rather unique in structure and risk profile, or the athlete who doesn’t bother to review movement standards only to find themselves on the receiving end of numerous ‘no reps’; a little more humility and less confidence would have been beneficial.

Once again, like so many things in life, it seems to come down to finding the right balance. Too much doubt or confidence is likely to leave you with too little satisfaction or achievement.

During the past week or so, I’ve noticed how so many people seem to be constantly rushing to do pretty much anything and everything. Whether it’s rushing to get to work, finish a book, add weight to their lifts or lose weight, they’re dead set on trying to do this as quickly as possible. Why? Is faster better?

Ok, I totally get that sometimes ‘things happen’ (eg the Tube breaks down, you get stuck in a lift (or, if you’re really unlucky, both!)) and you have to rush to avoid the negative consequence of not rushing (eg being late to work, missing an appointment or plane!), but, save for the unexpected happenings, I’m coming to the view that in terms of the overall experience or journey, things are generally better understood and more enjoyable when savoured and not rushed.

Someone who uses drastic measures in a rush to lose weight (say for example by way of meal replacement shakes)is unlikely to develop sound nutritional habits or knowledge. Similarly, someone rushing to add weight to technically unsound lifts is, at best, likely to see their progress stall, at worst, they’ll get injured. Equally, rushing to finish the great book you’ve been reading will likely leave you with a feeling of ‘that was great, but NOW what’?

Next time you find yourself rushing or looking to do or achieve something as soon as possible, I’d urge you to take a minute (or two…) to think about how different, and perhaps more beneficial (perhaps in ways you wouldn’t expect) your accomplishment or experience would be if you slowed down, stopped rushing and enjoyed the process.

Over the past week or so, I’ve been doing lots of thinking; probably even more than usual for me (which is a lot).  Foremost amongst my thinking has been training (surprise surprise). That said, whilst it’s quite normal for me to spend a great deal of time thinking about training (some might be inclined to say ‘obsessive’…), this past week my thoughts have turned more to ‘why’. Why do I train? Simple question, complicated answer.

On one level, training has (and does) provide me with an outlet, or escape from the rest of my life. As a teenager going through the usual teenage dramas, going for a run gave me time to get away, do some thinking (always a thinker!) and clear my head. As a law student, going to the gym gave me time away from the cerebral world of case law, to focus solely on the physical expression of strength, power and speed. As an adult with a terminally ill mother, the gym allowed me to escape the crushing defeat of hospital visits, to find a world of possibility and vitality. As a stressed out City lawyer, the gym was my oasis of calm; full of simple, uncomplicated truths – do the work, get the results.

On another level, training has provided me with confidence. As someone driven by challenge and achievement, I very much enjoy working hard and putting in the time (and work) necessary to accomplish something I couldn’t do previously. Nobody can give you, or buy the accomplishment, you’ve got to earn it. Earn it and you become confident you can achieve other objectives.

Closely related to confidence is achievement. Being an all too typical ‘Type A’, I’m very motivated by the ‘need to achieve’ (which all too often drives me, and those around me, nuts!). Unlike so many other facets of life, achieving something in ‘training world’ is down to hard work, patience and perseverance. Getting the promotion at work may (in part) be down to politicking, being in the right place at the right time, knowing the right people, butt kissing or the like, but none of that is going to add 20kg to your squat! Either you do the work and get the lift, or you don’t. When things outside training world (ie in the ‘real world’) aren’t going to plan or as I’d like, I find it useful to focus on training related achievements that are (pretty much) wholly within my control.

On yet another level, training has provided me with a certain sort of validation. Big personal disclosure coming up…despite outward appearances, I frequently find myself doubting my abilities, falling all too easily into the ‘I’m not good enough, X is so much better’ etc. While this can be useful to the extent it prevents me from getting lazy and complacent, there’s the potential to devolve into ‘I’m so sh!t, why bother’. Through training (and the occasional throwdown/event) I’ve come to see that while I’m by no means the strongest, fittest or fastest, I’m not the weakest, unfit or slowest.

So why do I train? It’s provided we with a form of sanctuary, has helped develop my confidence and sense of achievement, whilst validating my efforts. Ultimately, I guess it all comes down to love; my love for something that has given, and continues to give me so very very much.

After several months absence, I returned to my CrossFit box this past weekend to help with judging a local throwdown. Initially I’d been worried that seeing people competing would upset me, thinking it would highlight my not yet being ready or able to compete, something I’ve enjoyed tremendously in the past.  Instead, I found myself overwhelmed by the warm welcome from faces I hadn’t seen in far too long, not to mention the many new faces.

Running through an explanation and demo of the WODs with the MC,  I found myself eager to impart both my love for the movements (except of course the DUs, our relationship continues to be ‘complicated’…;) ) as well as some hints and tips on how to approach the WOD and/or maximise reps. Judging the WODs, I found myself keen to enforce consistency of standards, while at the same time wanting each athlete to give it their all to exceed their own expectations.

To say I had a great day is an understatement. Yeah, I did feel some pangs of ‘I wish I was competing’ but similarly, I found myself feeling confident that I will, in time, compete again. I reconnected with a community that has given me so much, in many ways, on many days; it was great to give back. Although my role within that community may take on a slightly different role, I really enjoyed that role (not just because I didn’t have to do DUs)!

It looks like sometimes you’ve got to go back and revisit your past to truly see and appreciate the future.

After two glorious sun (and rain) filled weeks away, I’m baaack! The holiday was a great one on so many levels, not all of which were training related (shocking I know!). In what is by now probably all too predictable (for me), I spent lots of time thinking, about lots of things. Two of the recurring themes were ‘balance’ and ‘diversity’; concepts I regard as related and, to some extent, each requiring the other. If you only have or do one thing, you do not have diversity. Similarly, to have balance would seem to require having or doing more than one thing – if not, what is ‘balanced’?

Whiling away time poolside (or seeking shelter from the CRAZY rain…)I thought about my training (as I frequently do). What was I going to do tomorrow in the hotel gym, which although good (by typical hotel standards), didn’t have a lot of the equipment I was used to; what could/should I do that wouldn’t bother my knee; what sort of strength loss would my holiday, different training and knee issue have generally; how would all of this impact my involvement in any upcoming competitions? Then it hit me, training (and training related thinking) was dominating my life!! I could be wrong, but would hazard a guess that not many people around the pool or walking around the theme parks were thinking about training!

I’ve always been pretty focused, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that (I actually think it’s a pretty good characteristic to have, but, I could of course be somewhat biased??), but I’ve come to see that focusing on any one thing too much, or to the exclusion of other things probably isn’t wise. It’s akin to ‘putting all your eggs in one basket’ or failing to diversify your investment portfolio.

If you were to put all of your resources into the stock of one company and it were to go bust, you’d lose everything. If you spend the vast majority of your time thinking about training but are not able to train, what happens?? Conversely, if you were to spread your resources amongst a variety of companies in various industries, in various regions, you would spread the risk and greatly reduce the likelihood of losing ‘everything’. If you diversify your focus and/or approach to training, if you’re unable to train (eg injury, lack of equipment, facilities, etc), or train with a specific purpose (eg to compete) or in a certain way (eg no loading of lower extremities), you’re very unlikely to lose ‘everything’ (ie you’ll either spend time focusing on another of your interests, or find a different purpose for, or way to pursue your training).

Although I am still extremely passionate about training, what ‘training’ means, how, where and why I train can, and no doubt will, change as I try to strike a slightly different balance. Enough focus to do and achieve what I want, without forgoing a diversity of interests. A delicate, but important balance.