Success. What is it? What does it mean? If success is defined as being the ‘accomplishment of an aim or purpose’, if someone were unable to achieve a specific aim or purpose, would their efforts be a ‘failure’?

Increasingly I’m coming to the view that much like goal setting, success needs to be defined in terms of both process(or input) and output. In terms of output based success, I could say I want to add 10kg to my squat; meaning I will only be successful if I achieve the desired outcome, or ‘output’. Given various things that have happened, it seems pretty unlikely I’ll be adding 10kg to my squat come testing week, which made me think ‘I’ve failed’. However, if I define success in a more process based way (ie doing all the right things to try to build my squat (doing my lifts, accessory work, mobility, rest, recovery, etc)) I can be successful on THIS level. I may not be totally successful (in terms of achieving both output and process/input success), but I CAN be partially successful. Equally, whilst someone may ‘get lucky’ and add 10kg to a lift without following any particular process (newbie gains come to mind!), I’m convinced that the greater the process/input success, the greater the likelihood of output success.

Positive spin or actual belief? Being the cynical sort I all too often am, there’s a very real part of me that would probably find myself thinking “you’re just trying to make yourself feel better” if I were to read the above. You know what? Maybe there’s some truth to that. But, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, provided you’re not using the ‘divided model of success’ as a cop out for not continuing to seek success on both levels. What, if any point is there in thinking or feeling ‘I totally failed’? Don’t get me wrong, failure is definitely still possible – don’t do all that you should in terms of inputs, don’t do all that you should in terms of outputs, and you’ve got failure. However, unless you’ve done absolutely nothing, you will experience partial failure. Personally, I haven’t done everything I could (and should) have done in terms of gymnastics training. I’ve done a lot more than I have previously, but I haven’t done all of it; partial success, partial failure with plenty of room to improve and increase the probability of complete success.

Ultimately, success on one level is good, but success on both levels is better.

I’m currently in week 10 of a 12 week strength block. For roughly the first 6 weeks my lifts were progressing well, heck, even my gymnastics were getting better! Then, mid-week 6, I did something to my knee (if you’ve read my other posts, you’ll know all about it – fear not, I’m not going to rehash it!).

Four weeks on and my knee is a whole lot better; significantly better than I would have expected in what is a reasonably short period of time. Despite physically healing well, I found myself with what I’ve come to think of as a pretty big ‘mental scar’ from the knee ‘incident’. I found myself thinking ‘what if my knee goes?’, ‘what if it happens again?’, ‘what if it’s worse’? I worried about twisting my knee (which I managed to do on a bench in the middle of a client session – not a good idea!), I worried about someone hitting my knee (which the postman just about managed when I came around a blind corner); far far too many things were viewed as presenting a ‘clear and present danger’ to my knee. I guess you could say I was walking around with a great deal of ‘what if baggage’.

In addition to said baggage, I found myself getting frustrated about the injury, how it was limiting my training and not allowing me to develop as much strength as possible during the few remaining weeks of the strength block. Then it occurred to me, I am developing strength, just not in the way or form I’d originally expected.

Being the highly motivated, competitive sort that I am, my natural inclination would be to try to push through the pain. In this instance, I soon realised that doing so would only extend the recovery process, possibly even doing more damage. Needless to say, the few weeks of not doing any lower body exercises took a lot of strength – I found myself developing a pretty bad case of ‘squat envy’ – even of the 1/4 squatters!

Similarly, doing my mobility work was (and is) an absolute, not something to do ‘if I have time’. Yeah, I’d much rather spend more time squatting than grinding a roller or lacrosse ball into my glutes, but no mobility will impact future training; swapping the power rack for the lacrosse ball has definitely taken some resolve.

Lastly, and I think most importantly, I’ve come to realise that I have both the mental and physical strength to deal with whatever my body throws at me. Yes, dealing with the knee ‘thing’ has been annoying and frustrating, but, I’ve faced it, and am dealing with it. I’m in the process of working my way back and beyond where I was. I’m doing what I (in consultation with a few other folks who are far smarter than me!)think makes sense, there’s plenty of time, no need to rush (or get hyper-competitive!!). By realising I’m able to deal with whatever comes my way, the ‘what if baggage’ just got a whole lot lighter. Think I may have just hit a mental PB!

Back squats, front squats, overhead squats, Zercher squats, Anderson squats, Sumo squats, Box Squats, Air Squats, Bulgarian split squats…I could go on and on. No matter what specific form it takes, there’s just a certain something about squatting. Settle on a particular form, then you can think about loading, rep ranges, stance style, and possibly bar type (Dear Santa…this is a not so subtle hint…). Looking to get stronger? Faster? More muscle (and I don’t just mean legs and glutes). Squat.

Bottom line, it’s a wonderful lift.

During the past week I have expanded my training related reading to delve into the field of sports psychology. In very general terms, this is an area that looks at the mental characteristics, mindset and attitudes of athletes in the sports performance arena, both in the context of training and competition. It is thought that athletes that do well share some common attitudes or mental approaches, while athletes that experience problems in training and/or competition frequently lack certain mental characteristics or qualities (assuming of course their problems are not attributable to injury or lack of sport specific skill or strength). Simply put, if the body follows the mind, and you can get the mind ‘right’, you’ll get the body right (i.e. get the body to do what you want).

Although my readings are by no means extensive, I have begun to notice some common themes. In an attempt to remember and keep these in mind (no pun intended!), I’ve come up with two acronyms. The first, ‘No P.A.I.N’, which I define to mean ‘No Pessimism, Anxiety, Insecurity or Negativity’, which will help lay the groundwork to achieve ‘G.A.I.N.S’, which I define to mean a ‘Great Attitude to Invoke New Success’. Lose the PAIN, get the GAINS.

I’ll confess, I’m a creature of habit and excess. I find something I like and I have or do lots of it. Whilst this might generally be good on the training front, with squatting and deadlifting being some of my favourite movements, the recent “no lower body training” edict has been a bit challenging. Take away my habit and I’m not happy. Realising just how much I can still do got me thinking…why not find a new habit, and a new or different way to ‘get happy’ (in my usual obsessive type way)? Result? Progressive ladders of pull-ups, dips, toes to bar and chins, with a press up EMOM thrown in for good measure. Done frequently (avoiding failure) and I’m coming to really enjoy and look forward to them. New kind of happy.

On the food front, I have always been a big lover of pretty much anything peanut butter and chocolate. Ice cream, cookies, cheesecake or candy, I’ve tried and loved them all. In keeping with my habitually excessive personality, I’ve probably loved the peanut butter yummies a little too much (though I AM convinced peanut butter fuels PBs!). Realising my need to improve on the nutritional front, I’ve come up with a substitute. I know this is by no means nutritionally perfect, but I do think it’s better than eating a lot of the other crap. Being better, not perfect is the goal.

PEANUT BUTTER PROTEIN PUDDING
Ingredients:
Chocolate protein – your particular fave, using whatever counts as 1 serving
Peanut butter – again, your preference.
Optional – yoghurt or milk.

Directions: this is EASY!
1- If you’re going to use yoghurt, put roughly 6-8 spoonfuls (tablespoons) into a bowl.
2- Add your chocolate protein – it’s going to be lumpy and will take a fair bit of stiring.
3- Stir until smooth. If you’re having real issues, try adding either more yoghurt or some water – but add in small amounts – you don’t want this getting too ‘soupy’.
4- To the smooth mixture add your serving size of peanut butter. Again, stir this lots – the mixture will be lumpy and take work to blend. Once reasonably smooth (assuming you’re not using chunky peanut butter!) eat and enjoy!

No yoghurt alternative:
The above can be modified using either water or milk instead of yoghurt. To do so, reverse the order by adding the milk or water to the protein. Add very very small amounts of liquid as it doesn’t take much to be too much (ie turn your pudding into a runny mess!)

Alternatives: try a different type of nut butter

I’ll admit that my progressive ladders and EMOMs are not as much fun as heavy squats or deadlifts, nor is the peanut butter protein pudding as good as Reeses Peanut Butter cups (or The Cheesecake Factory’s peanut butter cheesecake!), but, for now, they’re as good as it gets, and quite frankly, I think they’re pretty darn good!

Without wanting to sound like a determinist, I’m a big believer in everything happening for a reason. You may not know why at the time, but, I tend to believe that in time you’ll come to see, or at least appreciate (even if you can’t fully grasp the ‘why’) how the happening of certain things or events led you to learn or develop certain understandings.

Roughly a week ago I did something to my knee. Whatever I did was painful, had me limping and getting pretty peaved that I couldn’t train like I wanted to. All too quickly I found myself thinking (1) I’m going to lose lots of strength and (2)without being able to train hard, I’m going to gain all sorts of weight – definitely NOT something I wanted (or want) to do.

Six days into my ‘no lower body training’ and guess what? I’m getting stronger, and I’ve actually lost a bit of weight(don’t worry, I’m not wasting away!!) How (you ask)? By changing my attitude and approach. Not being able to train ‘as per programming’ I’ve had to think a bit more about my training, utilising a lot more gymnastics (ie BW) and how it all ‘fits together’. I’m sure I will have lost some kilos on my lower body/explosive lifts, but I’ve definitely improved my upper body strength and gymnastics. Similarly, in terms of nutrition and diet, knowing I was unlikely to be burning as many calories as I would ordinarily, I’ve found myself thinking a lot more about how I refuel and eat – apparently there is NO recommended daily allowance for chocolate! Eat better, feel better; really rather simple (if not easy). If my knee hadn’t done what it did, I suspect I would have carried on doing what I was doing, avoiding gymnastics and eating far too many less than ideal meals.

Without a doubt, life will present all sorts of situations and circumstances that will challenge you. While you can’t control the things that ‘happen’, you can control how you respond to them. Find and employ the right attitude and approach (i.e. the ‘right stuff’) to fit your personal circumstances, you’ll survive, and quite possibly thrive. Maintain an unwavering, inflexible approach and attitude and you’re likely to struggle.

This past Wednesday I did something in training my knee REALLY didn’t like. Quick trip to the hospital to get it checked (the crunch and pop my knee made was pretty high on the scale of noises you don’t want your body to make!) seems to have ruled out anything too bad (I say “seems” on the basis of examination being limited to manual manipulation, ie no scan or x-ray), which, I suppose is a BIG positive. In the interest of healing whatever it is I’ve done, I’m under orders not to engage in any lower body training for at least 7-10 days.

7 days. A week. 168 hours. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not long at all. But, if that’s how long you’ve got to wait (at a minimum) until you can do something you are used to doing virtually every day of the week, it seems (at least initially) like an eternity.

At least 7 days of no squatting, cleaning, snatching, biking, running, rowing, wall balls, DUs, etc. Result? More than a few slices of ‘pity pie’ a la ‘woe as me’. I’ve found myself getting annoyed and frustrated that I can’t follow my programming, focussing on just how much I can’t do. Then it hit me, this is a temporary setback; something to work through and get over. Is it challenging? Yeah, particularly given my lack of patience (for just about anything)! But, whatever it is I’ve done is temporary. In time (whether 7 days or longer) it WILL get better. In the meantime, I can either dwell on what I can’t do (and feel miserable) or focus on what I can do (and look forward to continued improvement). Lots of ways to (improve and progress) in 7 days (or more).

Sometimes you just don’t “see it”. Whilst sometimes you don’t see ‘it’ because you lack knowledge or awareness, other times you possess the requisite knowledge and awareness, yet choose not to see ‘it’.

For the past few weeks, my left knee has been playing up. Not in an “OMG, I’ve done something horrible”‘kind of way, more of “huh, that doesn’t feel quite right, I wonder what’s wrong?” kind of way. But, me being me, I carried on, pushed through training, dealing with the consequences afterwards by way of ice, flossing, ibuprofen and massage. Guess what? It’s gotten worse. Now feeling rather stupid. My body was telling me (via the pain and discomfort) that something wasn’t quite right, but, instead of trying to address the possible causes, I kept on doing what I was doing. Dumb and dumber.

Letting self doubt fuel my desire to progress, I (wrongly) convinced myself that carrying on, ignoring my body’s protests was the way to go, thinking ‘maybe I’m just being a wuss’, ‘maybe it’ll just go away’. Result? My knee has gotten progressively worse, meaning no squatting, running, etc. for a while. Needless to say, this frustrated me. However, by focusing on what I couldn’t do, I didn’t see the opportunity this presented – more time to work on my gymnastics (most definitely a weakness)!

Closing our eyes to make things go away or disappear may seem to solve the problem, but invariably something will happen to make you open your eyes, whereupon the problem will remain. Similarly, while focusing intently on keeping your eyes closed to avoid the problem, you may not see an opportunity which presents itself. Open your eyes, address the problem and seize the opportunity.

I’m a big believer in honesty and being honest, both to myself and others. So, in the interest of full and frank (and perhaps too personal for some) disclosure, I’ve been feeling kind of crappy the past few days; far far too much time spent at the ‘pity party’. If I were to distill my recent woes and worries into a few words, I guess you could say I’ve been feeling big, fat and slow.

Big. Now I know I’m not ‘Biggest Loser’ big, but, I’m a whole lot bigger than a lot of girls. Yes, a great deal of me is muscle, and I know I’m not supposed to get hung up on what the scale says (muscle being more dense than fat and all that!), but I do. It may be stupid, but I do.

Fat. This is closely linked to ‘Big’ above. I know I’ve gained muscle in the past few years, but, in the interest of being honest and not kidding (or lying to) myself, I’ve also gained fat – there’s definitely more ‘jiggle’ than there used to be! I know my nutrition hasn’t always been as good as it should or could have been; far too much chocolate (ice cream, pizza, biscuits, etc.)!

Slow. Nothing like running to hammer home just how slow you are! Whether ‘true’ or not, feeling ‘big and fat’ certainly doesn’t make me feel fleet of foot! On one level being heavier does make running more challenging (x times your BW with each foot strike…), but I’m convinced that for me, it’s also become a bit of an excuse – ie ‘I’m bigger and heavier than your ‘average’ girl, so of course I’m going to run slower than your average girl’.

Doing a bit of a tidy up yesterday, I came across a notebook. Not just any notebook, but my training diary from 2012. All too keen to take a break from tidying (it’s no coincidence my first word was “mess” not Mama!!), I started looking through the notebook. Looking at the entries, I found myself starting to smile. Wow! Have I really added 44kg to my Deadlift? A 1RM back squat of 95kg? I squatted that for 20 reps last week! 8 unbroken double unders was a PB? They’re still not strong, but they’re a lot better! I couldn’t do HSPUs; not even 1. Talk about bringing a bit more perspective to my recent thinking. Yeah, I’m 10-15lbs heavier than I was two years ago, but I’m a heck of a lot stronger. I haven’t done a lot of running during these years, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised it’s not a big strength. The notebook got me thinking, from ‘big, fat and slow’ to becoming ‘stronger, fitter, faster’.

I guess sometimes it’s necessary to look back to see how far you’ve come, instead of spending all your time looking ahead to where you want to be. Constantly focusing on the future without regard for the past, seems far more likely to lead to frustration than motivation for success. One eye on past progress, one eye on possible potential.

Training is something I love; and have loved for a long time. Much like any other relationship, my training has changed and evolved over the years. To the extent my goals changed, so did my ‘workout’. No matter what form my training took, my primary focus was on the workout, the time spent in the gym, completing the sets, reps, intervals, etc.

I’ve now come to the conclusion that my focus on completing my workout is not enough. If I want to continue to progress, I’m going to need to think about:

1) MOBILITY – I’ve been picking up various little niggles for the past while, many (if not most) of which I suspect are largely down to my failure to include daily mobility work in my training. I’m the sort who (typically) only uses a foam roller or lacrosse ball when I feel something ‘ouchy’ – mobility for rehab as opposed to prehab. While I may have been able to ‘get away with’ this before, now that I’m really upping the training, mobility work isn’t optional.

2) ADEQUATE SLEEP – staying up far too late watching The CrossFit Games was a heck of a lot of fun, but boy did it mess with my sleep! Deprived of sleep I found not only was I irritable (sorry all!) but a great deal more achy than usual. Similarly, I didn’t feel terribly motivated to train (thankfully this coincided with our deload week! Thanks Coach!). If I’m going to ask my body to do more (in terms of training) I’m going to have to find time to allow it to do less(ie sleep more).

3) PROPER NUTRITION – while I don’t follow any super strict, ‘named’ diet, I’d like to think I’ve got a reasonably good understanding on what is and isn’t good from a nutritional perspective. In general terms, I try to eat real (by which I mean minimally processed) food. Unfortunately the ‘trying’ isn’t always successful! Once again, I’ve come to learn that I recover and adapt to training far better when I eat more ‘real’ foods.

Much like my training has changed and evolved, I now find my approach to, and understanding of training evolving. Getting to the gym and getting my workout done is good and a very necessary component of the training process, but, unless I expand my focus to include mobility, adequate sleep and proper nutrition, I’m highly unlikely to see my training improve. The workout is not enough.