Over the past week or so, I’ve been doing lots of thinking; probably even more than usual for me (which is a lot).  Foremost amongst my thinking has been training (surprise surprise). That said, whilst it’s quite normal for me to spend a great deal of time thinking about training (some might be inclined to say ‘obsessive’…), this past week my thoughts have turned more to ‘why’. Why do I train? Simple question, complicated answer.

On one level, training has (and does) provide me with an outlet, or escape from the rest of my life. As a teenager going through the usual teenage dramas, going for a run gave me time to get away, do some thinking (always a thinker!) and clear my head. As a law student, going to the gym gave me time away from the cerebral world of case law, to focus solely on the physical expression of strength, power and speed. As an adult with a terminally ill mother, the gym allowed me to escape the crushing defeat of hospital visits, to find a world of possibility and vitality. As a stressed out City lawyer, the gym was my oasis of calm; full of simple, uncomplicated truths – do the work, get the results.

On another level, training has provided me with confidence. As someone driven by challenge and achievement, I very much enjoy working hard and putting in the time (and work) necessary to accomplish something I couldn’t do previously. Nobody can give you, or buy the accomplishment, you’ve got to earn it. Earn it and you become confident you can achieve other objectives.

Closely related to confidence is achievement. Being an all too typical ‘Type A’, I’m very motivated by the ‘need to achieve’ (which all too often drives me, and those around me, nuts!). Unlike so many other facets of life, achieving something in ‘training world’ is down to hard work, patience and perseverance. Getting the promotion at work may (in part) be down to politicking, being in the right place at the right time, knowing the right people, butt kissing or the like, but none of that is going to add 20kg to your squat! Either you do the work and get the lift, or you don’t. When things outside training world (ie in the ‘real world’) aren’t going to plan or as I’d like, I find it useful to focus on training related achievements that are (pretty much) wholly within my control.

On yet another level, training has provided me with a certain sort of validation. Big personal disclosure coming up…despite outward appearances, I frequently find myself doubting my abilities, falling all too easily into the ‘I’m not good enough, X is so much better’ etc. While this can be useful to the extent it prevents me from getting lazy and complacent, there’s the potential to devolve into ‘I’m so sh!t, why bother’. Through training (and the occasional throwdown/event) I’ve come to see that while I’m by no means the strongest, fittest or fastest, I’m not the weakest, unfit or slowest.

So why do I train? It’s provided we with a form of sanctuary, has helped develop my confidence and sense of achievement, whilst validating my efforts. Ultimately, I guess it all comes down to love; my love for something that has given, and continues to give me so very very much.

After several months absence, I returned to my CrossFit box this past weekend to help with judging a local throwdown. Initially I’d been worried that seeing people competing would upset me, thinking it would highlight my not yet being ready or able to compete, something I’ve enjoyed tremendously in the past.  Instead, I found myself overwhelmed by the warm welcome from faces I hadn’t seen in far too long, not to mention the many new faces.

Running through an explanation and demo of the WODs with the MC,  I found myself eager to impart both my love for the movements (except of course the DUs, our relationship continues to be ‘complicated’…;) ) as well as some hints and tips on how to approach the WOD and/or maximise reps. Judging the WODs, I found myself keen to enforce consistency of standards, while at the same time wanting each athlete to give it their all to exceed their own expectations.

To say I had a great day is an understatement. Yeah, I did feel some pangs of ‘I wish I was competing’ but similarly, I found myself feeling confident that I will, in time, compete again. I reconnected with a community that has given me so much, in many ways, on many days; it was great to give back. Although my role within that community may take on a slightly different role, I really enjoyed that role (not just because I didn’t have to do DUs)!

It looks like sometimes you’ve got to go back and revisit your past to truly see and appreciate the future.

After two glorious sun (and rain) filled weeks away, I’m baaack! The holiday was a great one on so many levels, not all of which were training related (shocking I know!). In what is by now probably all too predictable (for me), I spent lots of time thinking, about lots of things. Two of the recurring themes were ‘balance’ and ‘diversity’; concepts I regard as related and, to some extent, each requiring the other. If you only have or do one thing, you do not have diversity. Similarly, to have balance would seem to require having or doing more than one thing – if not, what is ‘balanced’?

Whiling away time poolside (or seeking shelter from the CRAZY rain…)I thought about my training (as I frequently do). What was I going to do tomorrow in the hotel gym, which although good (by typical hotel standards), didn’t have a lot of the equipment I was used to; what could/should I do that wouldn’t bother my knee; what sort of strength loss would my holiday, different training and knee issue have generally; how would all of this impact my involvement in any upcoming competitions? Then it hit me, training (and training related thinking) was dominating my life!! I could be wrong, but would hazard a guess that not many people around the pool or walking around the theme parks were thinking about training!

I’ve always been pretty focused, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that (I actually think it’s a pretty good characteristic to have, but, I could of course be somewhat biased??), but I’ve come to see that focusing on any one thing too much, or to the exclusion of other things probably isn’t wise. It’s akin to ‘putting all your eggs in one basket’ or failing to diversify your investment portfolio.

If you were to put all of your resources into the stock of one company and it were to go bust, you’d lose everything. If you spend the vast majority of your time thinking about training but are not able to train, what happens?? Conversely, if you were to spread your resources amongst a variety of companies in various industries, in various regions, you would spread the risk and greatly reduce the likelihood of losing ‘everything’. If you diversify your focus and/or approach to training, if you’re unable to train (eg injury, lack of equipment, facilities, etc), or train with a specific purpose (eg to compete) or in a certain way (eg no loading of lower extremities), you’re very unlikely to lose ‘everything’ (ie you’ll either spend time focusing on another of your interests, or find a different purpose for, or way to pursue your training).

Although I am still extremely passionate about training, what ‘training’ means, how, where and why I train can, and no doubt will, change as I try to strike a slightly different balance. Enough focus to do and achieve what I want, without forgoing a diversity of interests. A delicate, but important balance.